There was an Old Person of Philoe,
Whose conduct was scroobious and wily;
He rushed up a Palm
when the weather was calm,
And observed all the ruins of Philoe.
There was an Old Man with a poker,
Who painted his face with red ochre.
When they said, “You ‘re a Guy!”
he made no reply,
But knocked them all down with his poker.
There was an Old Person of Prague,
Who was suddenly seized with the plague;
But they gave him some butter,
which caused him to mutter,
And cured that Old Person of Prague.
There was an Old Man of Peru,
Who watched his wife making a stew;
But once, by mistake,
in a stove she did bake
That unfortunate Man of Peru.
There was an Old Man of the North,
Who fell into a basin of broth;
But a laudable cook
fished him out with a hook,
Which saved that Old Man of the North.
There was an Old Person of Troy,
Whose drink was warm brandy and soy,
Which he took with a spoon,
by the light of the moon,
In sight of the city of Troy.
There was an Old Person of Mold,
Who shrank from sensations of cold;
So he purchased some muffs,
some furs, and some fluffs,
And wrapped himself well from the cold.
There was an Old Person of Tring,
Who embellished his nose with a ring;
He gazed at the moon
every evening in June,
That ecstatic Old Person of Tring.
There was an Old Man of Nepaul,
From his horse had a terrible fall;
But, though split quite in two,
with some very strong glue
They mended that man of Nepaul.
There was an Old Man of the Nile,
Who sharpened his nails with a file,
Till he cut off his thumbs,
and said calmly, “This comes
Of sharpening one’s nails with a file!”
There was an Old Man of th’ Abruzzi,
So blind that he couldn’t his foot see;
When they said, “That’s your toe,”
he replied, “Is it so?”
That doubtful Old Man of th’ Abruzzi.
There was an Old Man of Calcutta,
Who perpetually ate bread and butter;
Till a great bit of muffin,
on which he was stuffing,
Choked that horrid Old Man of Calcutta.