There was an Old Man of the West,
Who never could get any rest;
So they set him to spin
on his nose and his chin,
Which cured that Old Man of the West.
There was an Old Person of Cheadle
Was put in the stocks by the Beadle
For stealing some pigs,
some coats, and some wigs,
That horrible person of Cheadle.
There was an Old Person of Anerley,
Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly;
He rushed down the Strand
with a Pig in each hand,
But returned in the evening to Anerley.
There was a Young Lady of Wales,
Who caught a large Fish without scales;
When she lifted her hook,
she exclaimed, “Only look!”
That ecstatic Young Lady of Wales.
There was a Young Lady of Welling,
Whose praise all the world was a-telling;
She played on the harp,
and caught several Carp,
That accomplished Young Lady of Welling.
There was an Old Person of Tartary,
Who divided his jugular artery;
But he screeched to his Wife,
and she said, “Oh, my life!
Your death will be felt by all Tartary!”
There was an Old Man of Whitehaven,
Who danced a quadrille with a Raven;
But they said, “It’s absurd
to encourage this bird!”
So they smashed that Old Man of Whitehaven.
There was a Young Lady of Sweden,
Who went by the slow train to Weedon;
When they cried, “Weedon Station!”
she made no observation,
But thought she should go back to Sweden.
There was an Old Person of Chester,
Whom several small children did pester;
They threw some large stones,
which broke most of his bones,
And displeased that Old Person of Chester.
There was an Old Man of the Cape,
Who possessed a large Barbary Ape;
Till the Ape, one dark night,
set the house all alight,
Which burned that Old Man of the Cape.
There was an Old Person of Burton,
Whose answers were rather uncertain;
When they said, “How d’ ye do?”
he replied, “Who are you?”
That distressing Old Person of Burton.
There was an Old Person of Ems
Who casually fell in the Thames;
And when he was found,
they said he was drowned,
That unlucky Old Person of Ems.
There was a Young Girl of Majorca,
Whose Aunt was a very fast walker;
She walked seventy miles,
and leaped fifteen stiles,
Which astonished that Girl of Majorca.
There was a Young Lady of Poole,
Whose soup was excessively cool;
So she put it to boil
by the aid of some oil,
That ingenious Young Lady of Poole.
There was an Old Lady of Prague,
Whose language was horribly vague;
When they said, “Are these caps?”
she answered, “Perhaps!”
That oracular Lady of Prague.